I don’t know who this man is that I’m becoming, but I’m almost sure I won’t always like him. #revelations #toobusypostingoninstagramtoactuallyreadthispaper #longhashtags
On a mostly unrelated note, today makes it a year since “the fire”. Which is kind of a big thing for me.
For those who don’t know what I mean, a fire “broke out” at like 4 in the morning a year ago in the apartment building where 3-5 friends and I were living. It’s a pretty dramatic story actually b/c 4 of us were there and sleeping and then we were homeless for a while, I don’t wanna bore you with the details but, a year ago that happened.
Losing everything all at once is an experience that will undoubtedly change you as a person. I believe in God, and in fate now, as a result of the fire, and I believe in myself because I could’ve died that night, and because everything I have now, I have built (with the help of loved ones) in a year. One calendar year. I am a completely different person, and I’m well on my to who I want to be as man in the future, and it’s all because of that fire. It got me off my ass. It helped me realize not only that I’m not alone, but that I am loved, because I did not know that.
So I am eternally thankful for that aspect of the fire, but even though it was the first day of the rest of my life, it was the end of the beginning for one of my most favorite relationships, and I hate that every single day.
I don’t know where I was going with this, or why I wrote it, but I think this is the end of it.
The fact that I finished undergrad yesterday still hasn’t set in because now I’m just even closer to the terror of Grad school.
I’ve never done all this by myself before so it’s really freaking me out!
I bought some all white super high top Air Force 1s at the thrift store today, so prepare to be stunted on!
Yesterday I was feeling especially low because of some dysphoria, so today she put some scripture up next to my studio.
I’ll be home by myself tonight (and tomorrow night and the night after that too)
I could either stay up all night on the couch and watch weird indie movies, and ponder my existence, or I could make myself cum and be asleep before midnight.